Marriage is an incredible, fulfilling commitment. While the goal is to spend a lifetime of happiness together, people change. As you move forward as a couple, you may find that you, your partner, and your relationship change in ways you did not expect. When that happens, it can create stress and conflict.
Starting Over: Bringing Your Relationship Back to Zero
Relationships can break down and diverge over time. But when they do, it doesn’t mean that your relationship has no future. Rather, it often means that the two of you would benefit from recalibrating your relationship. In other words, you can take the steps necessary to evaluate where your relationship is and where it could be. In order to recalibrate your relationship, consider the following:
- Make Mutual Adjustments – Both of you may have changed. Take the time to see what compromises you can make and how you can adjust to these changes. Is one partner becoming more work focused? Perhaps there is a way to support that person more. Is one parter looking to take a risk? How can you both make that a reality? These adjustments will have you growing both as individuals, but also together as a couple.
- Create Shared Goals – Even if you’ve grown apart, chances are you still have shared goals. What are these goals? Working toward these common goals together gives you both something to aim for that motivates you to move positively toward the future.
- Have Experiences – Partners do not have to be exactly the same in order to be happy as a couple. Indeed, pursuing your own interests independently can actually be interesting to the relationship, and help you find new complementary connections you didn’t know were there. But one thing couples do need to do is new and interesting shared experiences. Having new experiences together and breaking out of your routine give you memories that increase your connection – and help you get to know your partner again.
When a relationship struggles, it may indicate that the two of you are becoming different people. But different people can still have a strong connection. It may just be an indication that you have to figure out where you are now compared to where you were before, and adjust your relationship accordingly.
If you are struggling in your relationship, contact Long Island couples counselor Dr. Marc Shulman today at (516) 732-0273. Let’s schedule an appointment to talk about how your relationship has changed and what you can do to start moving your relationship in a positive direction again.