Confirmation that someone finds you attractive can be an intoxicating feeling. When it is combined with a new and exciting experience that feels like a vacation from the normal concerns of your daily life, it can be highly tempting to seek a relationship that can provide these feelings. But when this results in starting relationships or affairs outside of your marriage or partnership, it is often a mistake.
In many long term relationships, a partner may feel that they are not getting the reassurance that they are attractive and miss the excitement that new attraction once provided. This occurs in almost every lasting relationship, even those that are fulfilling. Looking for those feelings in an affair will not provide a solution.
Choosing Love Over Passion for Fulfilling Relationships
The predictability that develops in a longer relationship is often, ironically, because partners have become more comfortable and built a deeper bond. They each accept that their significant other finds them attractive, perhaps to the point where they start taking it for granted – even more so if life gets in the way, and there are fewer opportunities to receive validation.
Rather than the flirtation and reaffirmation that every meeting with a newer partner can provide, daily interactions can seem more mundane and may rarely the desire couples feel for each other. Most experiences are not necessarily surprising either.
These are often signs that partners know each other well, but it can cause relationships to start to feel boring. Add to this the conflict that many couples experience from time to time, which is often not present in an early relationship, and it can be hard to see the benefits in a relationship.
What Makes Affairs Even More Problematic
Any relationship outside of marriage can provide the same initial feelings of being thought attractive with new experiences and limited conflict. This can make it seem as if an affair is stronger and more fulfilling than the relationship with a long term partner.
But in a way, the affair is not grounded in reality. Instead, it provides a break from reality that will start to erode over time while also risking your current relationship.
It is natural to crave a feeling of attraction and passion, however, but rather than seeking those outside of marriage, try to instead find them with your partner. Letting your partner know how attractive you find them and changing routines in your relationship are good places to start.
It is also worthwhile to attend a couples therapy together with a Long Island psychologist who can help you work through your various work through any conflicts in your relationship and continue to strengthen that bond you share and that you will not often find with a relationship outside of your marriage.