Dating can be intimidating. It’s also not an exact science. We often think we know what we want in someone else, but we don’t always know how our subconscious may affect those decisions.
For example, those that struggle with feelings of doubt, low self-confidence, or anxiety/depression may find themselves seeking out relationships with partners that are less fulfilling, simply because they feel that those relationships are what they “deserve.” When meeting people they are more excited about, they may give up on trying before they even begin, believing that the person is too good for them.
They may also find themselves pursuing those that they are otherwise less attracted to emotionally, because they feel like they need to settle to find happiness.
Addressing the Cause of Your Relationship Dissatisfaction
Dating is a great opportunity to both meet new people and to learn more about yourself: What your personality is like interacting with other personalities and situations, what your priorities and values are, and more. When you make statements or think thoughts like “he/she is too good for me” or “he/she will never accept me because of X, Y, or Z,” it limits the good things you can get from dating situations.
Recognizing these thoughts as untrue is important because they:
- Are Projections – These types of exaggerated statements come from your own fragility and self-worth. There’s no way you can know with certainty how another person will think of you.
- Aren’t Reality – Mistaking untrue, negative self-talk as representing some kind of reality makes it more difficult to recognize what the actual situation is like and what your emotions in relation to it are.
- Prevent Personal Growth – Listening to these irrational conclusions undermines the chance you have to let others in and bring about positive change in your life. Many people find through relationships with others they have good qualities and sides of themselves that they weren’t in touch with much before because they’re more prominent within the context of a relationship.
Part of the hesitance and fear that people have around dating and being in relationships often has to do with the openness to change that it requires. As a result, they talk themselves out of exploring what they really want out of a romantic relationship and who they really want to be involved with.
But when you begin trusting yourself enough to push these unhelpful, inaccurate thoughts aside when they arise, you’ll be able to make efforts towards exploring and owning your value and your strengths.
