Dating isn’t easy. The process itself can be so stressful, that some people seek out relationship counseling services simply to cope with the stresses of trying to find a match. In Long Island, many people find that the community is so tight-knit that it may be difficult to meet someone you really connect with, and you may feel like it’s time to give up.
What’s fascinating though about dating is how often we create these obstacles for ourselves that make it harder to find a suitable match. By overcoming these self-imposed obstacles, the dating scene becomes much more manageable, and you can improve your ability to connect with those you meet. The following are some of these obstacles and how to address them.
Obstacles That Affect Dating
- Pressure to Hurry
One of the greatest obstacles is this feeling like you need to meet someone right now. This often comes from aging, or the pressure of family and seeing relationships around you. But the truth is that rushing can lead to poor decisions and time wasted. You don’t just want to meet someone now. You want to meet the right person. If you rush, you may be wasting time with someone that you have little future with.
- Ignoring Growth
Many people prioritize dating and relationships above all else, waiting on the things they want to do in order to do them with a partner. But what’s interesting is that both men and women tend to be more attracted to those that have life experiences, including travel, hobbies, and more. Working on yourself and your own personal growth can actually make you more attractive to a potential mate, which is likely one of the reasons people say that “a relationship will come when you’re not looking for it.”
- Struggle With Confidence, Anxiety, etc.
Anxiety and self-esteem are both serious issues. In my counseling, I often work with a lot of individuals that have issues related to self-esteem and self-worth. It’s my goal to help you work through those issues, because anxiety and self-esteem problems can not only make it harder to find a date – they can make it harder to keep them.
- Trouble With Relationship Recovery
For many, it’s not that finding a date is necessarily the problem. It’s loving them, either because of an ex they still have feelings over or because of trouble maintaining relationships after one has ended. The ability to give yourself to someone else can be difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt before. It’s another thing we often work on in my Long Island counseling practice, as I try to help people let go of their past to enjoy their relationship more.
Personal Growth and Relationship Development
Finding the right person involves a combination of factors. Luck is certainly one of them, but you also need to be able to work on yourself, find confidence in who you are, develop your own identity, and then improve your ability to give yourself to someone else. All of these can be challenges. When you need someone to talk to in order to work through some of these challenges, give me a call at (516) 732-0273.
