Entering into a new relationship is exciting. Everything you learn about the other person is new and there is a thrill in wondering if the next person you meet will be your perfect match. But having a stable relationship is also beneficial since constantly having to form new attachments can be exhausting, while a long term and stable relationship can provide ongoing emotional support and a deep connection.
It is not possible to have both. Stable relationships require commitment to your partner, removing the possibility of continuing to build new romantic relationships. Understanding the benefits to both choices, and that stability does not need to mean boring, can help you make the best decision for your long term happiness in relationships.
Balancing Stability and Excitement
The stability and comfort of a long term relationship do not often equate to the passion and spark that are present in a new relationship. As this passion fades, it can cause the relationship to feel like it is missing something.
Yet it is worth considering the following ideas about your relationship:
- Love vs Passion – Love is the foundation of a stable relationship, not passion. The initial passion often present upon first meeting a new partner is not the same as more fulfilling love in a strong partnership.
- Predictability is Normal – Excitement will fade from every relationship, at which point it can either end or become stable.
- Trust and Support – A stable relationship provides compassion, trust, emotional support, and other valuable traits that satisfy your interpersonal needs.
- Improve Emotional Stability – Those in relationships that are emotionally fulfilling and consistent often experience less anxiety and depression than those who are constantly entering and ending relationships.
It is true that stable relationships will often not have the excitement of new relationships, but there are multiple ways you can maintain a rewarding connection within your relationship. Focus on the joy you experience in being together even when doing mundane activities, but be open to new experiences.
Also take time to find sources of excitement outside the relationship, whether that is with platonic friends or engaging your interests. Not only does this take the pressure off your partner to be consistently exciting, but it also makes you more exciting to be around as well.
If you are starting to feel that you are in a rut within your stable relationship or are having trouble committing, couples therapy from Long Island Psychology can offer insight into your specific situation and help you meet balance between stability and excitement and your life.
