We often emphasize here at Long Island Psychology that couples are made up with two entirely different, entirely unique people. No matter how much you are alike, or how well you think you know each other or connect as a couple, no two people see the world the same way. Everyone’s experience, from birth to death, is different.
So, when couples are having problems, one of the things that we do is try to help both partners really understand that the way they see the world is not necessarily how the other partner sees the world – how, no matter how much you feel like you know your partner, you don’t really know the way they see, think, and feel. You know them as a person. But you are not them.
Trying to See, Think, and Feel Like They Do
Even in successful relationships, there is a tendency to forget that our perspective is not and CANNOT be the other person’s perspective. We often spend a lot of time trying to get our partner to see our point of view.
But what happens if we’re trying to figure out our partner’s point of view?
Not only do we spend less time thinking about how our partner views the situation. When we do try to envision what our partner is thinking, we do so from OUR eyes and experiences. We try to envision how they see the situation through the way we see the world, not through our partner’s likes, emotions, experiences, traumas, and more.
What’s Next?
The next time you’re talking to your partner, you should try not only to listen to what they’re saying and why, but to actually try to pause and consider the way they may be thinking, the way they may be processing the discussion, the needs they have and the emotions they experience. We need to consider that there are other ways to look at things – other realities, in many ways – and try to put ourselves in those realities in order to better understand what our partner is feeling.
It’s not always possible to really see the world the way our partner does. But having the awareness that there are different ways of thinking and adjusting our communication accordingly can reduce conflict and help improve the way you both see and understand each other.
If you want to learn how to communicate better with your partner, contact Long Island Psychology today for more information about our couples counseling services.
