Emerging adulthood – which we’ll define as around 18 to 25 years old – is a time period of tremendous personal and developmental growth. It is during this stage that many young adults move out of their parents’ home and begin life on their own, separating from their parents as they start to build their own life as an adult.
This is healthy. It is good. It is something that most, if not all, young adults *need* to do. But it is still worth remembering that the goal of this is not to lose each other. The goal is to grow as individuals.
What Separation from Parents Really Means
It is important to emphasize for both parents and their emerging adults that separation does not mean “cut off.” This is not a time to pretend or feel like you’re completely on your own. What it means is that you’re going through a process where you emerge as an autonomous functioning adult.
That means that emerging adults need to learn to be less dependent on their parents, and figure out how to navigate life themselves. It also means creating boundaries, and exercising control over your own life instead of accommodating to all your parent’s requests, demands and expectations. Both young adults and their parents need to better understand this, because emerging adults need to exercise this right for themselves, and parents need to understand that this is part of their growth.
It also serves as a reminder, however, that while conflict during this stage can often feel inevitable, this stage is NOT about cutting off each other altogether. In fact, there is an argument to be made that this may be the most important stage in the relationship. It is a time when you’re changing from “son/daughter and mom/dad” to “{young adult name:} and “{parent name}.” It is your time to learn who you both are as people, and figure out what it means to both support each other as adults.
Taking the Steps Towards Independence
The idea that you or your child is taking steps towards independence can be a scary one, with lots of frustrations, worries, and more. It’s worth taking time to talk to each other about what this process means, and consider working with a therapist that can help both emerging adults and their parents gain more understanding of the next steps for you both as individuals.
