Resolution for When Saying “I’m Sorry” Feels Too Hard
Arguments in any relationship are common. They only become problematic when the arguments do not lead to a specific resolution. Sometimes, arguments between partners or family members drag on for days at a time because neither partner ways to say “I’m sorry” when they do not genuinely feel they have something to be sorry for.
Over time it can lead to resentment, breakdown of trust, poor communication, and more.
But there is a solution. No matter how you may feel about that specific argument, there is still room for a formal resolution if both partiers are willing to talk and listen to each other. Provided the conversation takes place only once both partners feel calm and collected (so that emotions are not driving the conversation), it possible to still give voice to your feelings and move forward even without a true apology.
How to Have a Productive Conversation
If you’re not ready to apologize for the event, then the next step is to simply make sure you and your partner are heard. Sit down together and, in a soft and comfortable voice, have a conversation about how you felt, why, and what needs you feel were not met.
Take turns having this conversation. Make sure that whoever is not speaking is listening quietly the entire time and acknowledging that they’re hearing them. The other partner does not necessarily need to agree, and that’s okay. What is important is that they hear you and you hear them. Make sure you communicate to your partner that they are being heard, because even if you still disagree there are often unmet needs that can be addressed.
Apologizing is useless anyway if it is not genuine. But as long as you have a thorough understanding of what the other person needs/wants, and they have a thorough understanding of what you need/want, you both can at least take that information forward with you to keep in mind at future times.
Finally, think about if there is anything that you should still apologize for, because in most arguments even if you’re “right” there ways that you contributed to the problem:
- You yelled.
- You insulted.
- You ignored.
Even if you are the “right” one in the argument, these issues may still be worthy of an apology in most type of bickering related arguments.
Finally, since the two of you now understand each other better, you both will be able to keep in mind what you need to consider in similar situations. You may not agree, but you resolve the argument in a more productive way and can move forward knowing that you were both heard and understood.
