When we are young, we are dependent on others. We look to our parents to feed us and make sure we are cared for. We look to our siblings to teach us or make us happy. We look to our friends to give us what we need and to share their toys.
This dependence on others should decrease as we get older. But for some of us it does not, and we look outside ourselves when there is something we need:
- Relying on others to fill voids in our lives
- Depending on others to solve our problems
- Expecting others to give us what we want/need
This can manifest in many different ways, but the common thread is being reliant on others to fulfill us in some way. When it comes to creating happiness, achieving goals, and connecting with others, this dependency can create problems.
Benefits of Becoming Internally Driven
One of the best ways to become a more motivated, happy, hard-working, passionate, and even loving person is to work on becoming more internally driven. That is because when you depend on others for achieving happiness, then your happiness is outside of your control. It reduces your power to be in control of your life, and can actually cause strain on your relationships and friendships. Because you are looking to others to create your happiness, you may find that they let you down, or they may feel put upon and pressured.
Within my Long Island therapy sessions, we often first explore this idea of dependency, and see how it impacts your life. It is often evident in relationships, for example, that one partner unintentionally uses another partner for his/her strengths in order to fill an internal void.
From there, the goal is to learn how to bring out your own internal strengths, and see what you can do to boost your own sense of independence. This internal drive will make it easier for you to put your own happiness and abilities back into your own hands. It puts you in control:
It can also help you work harder, feel more energized to engage in the tasks and ideas that you want to engage in, and has the potential to be something that changes how deeply you can experience your friendships and relationships, and how fully you can appreciate what they bring to your life.
If you think you may be someone that is struggling with this internal drive, please contact me today to get started.