People seek couples counseling for a variety of reasons. Some people feel their relationship is failing. Others feel like they’re stuck. Some people simply need to work on a specific problem, like communication or intimacy, while others are looking for something more – for example, they are happily married but believe they could be something greater.
Still, no matter why a couple seeks out couples counseling, our role as couples therapists is to try to determine some of the *why* behind the needs and issues, and what we sometimes find is the issue is not related to the relationship at all. Sometimes, the struggles are related to the person on an individual level.
Mental Health and Relationships
We often attribute our mental health to our relationship. For example, we say that we’re stressed or depressed because our relationship is not functioning. This may even be true.
But in other cases, the issue is that your relationship is being affected by the mental health struggle itself.
If a person has anxiety, they typically do not have the ability to act confidently, react positively, and think clearly. They are often distracted by their thoughts and racing mind, not necessarily able to give the partner the attention and personality that they want to see.
If a person has depression, they typically do not have the emotional energy to put into a relationship, nor can they think positively enough to react and respond to events in a way that will help the relationship grow.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a diagnosable mental health issue at all. Work stress, for example, can dramatically affect a relationship. Issues with parents or family members can as well. Many mental health struggles that a person carries with them can make it harder to engage in the relationship in a healthy way.
What’s the Solution?
Typically, when a person struggles to manage the relationship, people seek out couples counseling so that both partners can work together to address their issues. But often, what a person needs is individual therapy – both individual relationship therapy, to address their own personal struggles in the relationship, and therapy for anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
We have to always remember that, while a couple is its own unit in many ways, they are also made up of two different individuals, and sometimes to heal a relationship, it is the individual’s struggles that make the most difference.
