There’s no denying that some people stay too long in otherwise unhealthy relationships. You are probably someone that has seen it happen with a friend or family member. Perhaps you, yourself, stayed too long with someone that you were not meant to be with.
But some individuals find that they experience the opposite issue – they close doors too early in relationships, giving up fast before the relationship has had an opportunity to grow. What makes this issue even worse is that the person with that habit may not even know they’re doing it. That’s why you have to ask yourself if you’re shutting things down too early instead of giving them the proper attention.
Avoiding the Ease of Giving Up
In our individual relationship counseling sessions, we often talk to people that have a habit of judging someone they’re dating too quickly. These are individuals that have a tendency to look for reasons that they should not be with someone, and then whenever they find any possible excuse, they end the relationship or, at minimum, begin to check out of it.
There are many possible reasons for this:
- They may be afraid to get hurt.
- They may have developed an unhealthy idea of partner perfection.
- They may have an unhealthy “type” that they haven’t reflected upon.
- They may not know how to commit.
- They may be unsure of themselves, and more.
The exact mechanism is something that we discuss in therapy, as each individual may have this tendency for a different reason. But, at its core, the result is the same – by shutting down too early in a relationship, the individual ends up finding themselves struggling to create new, fulfilling relationships that may be more meaningful than any they had in the past.
Opening Yourself to Being Vulnerable
Staying in a relationship too long can be unhealthy. But so can ending the relationship too early. One of the challenges that many individuals need to face in their new relationships is giving it a chance, and being open to both being with someone that may not be exactly as you expected, and avoiding the tendency to “shut down” too early, before you’ve had a chance to let the person in.
If you find that you’re not letting people in the way you should be, or you need help figuring out how to make fulfilling relationships with others, give us a call today to learn more about our individual relationship counseling services at Long Island Psychology.
