There’s a theory in relationships that once you and someone you are dating have broken up, you cannot ever truly get back together. You’ve broken the seal. You’ve shown that breaking up is possible, and something that you’re willing to do, and once you’ve done that then it becomes too easy to break up again and again, resulting in toxic relationship cycles.
Breakups are, in many ways, a learning opportunity. They teach you about who you are and what you need. But the learning opportunity does not with the breakup. It is also your chance to learn more about yourself in the present and future.
Breakups and Overcoming Loss
One of the things that people learn after a breakup is that they can survive and overcome the loss. At least, that’s what they are meant to learn. Many end up feeling overwhelmed with emotion, perhaps desperate to get back with the person they were with or enter into a new relationship too quickly.
When you can’t learn to be on your own, you also can’t learn to be in a strong relationship. It is an indication that you are not ready for a healthy relationship because you are not *yet* strong enough to move forward, or to make the decisions that are best for you.
A desperation to be with someone that you’ve broken up with shows that, at least psychologically, you are hyper focused on the heavy emotions that the breakup triggered, and allowing them to affect your decision making. Further, a strong and fast desire to be with someone else shows that you may not have processed the breakup, and instead are just lonely or looking for something new.
When we learn to overcome the breakup and be by ourselves, we are actually more prepared to enter the next relationship without the psychological and emotional baggage that can make it harder for the next relationship to be on strong footing.
Strengthening Your Mind After a Breakup
If you reach a point after a breakup where you feel less negative emotions, you are comfortable with yourself, and you have a better understanding of who you are and what you need, that’s when you’re most ready to be in the next relationship. Taking the time to learn and reflect, then, is one of the best ways to help yourself find a new relationship or, if you choose, allow yourself to be more independent in the future.
