Many people believe that couples counseling is about saving a relationship. But the truth is that relationships are more complex than that. While couples counseling can help a relationship move forward, not every relationship is meant to be successful. Some relationships are meant to end, because they were not grounded on a match between the two individuals.
But the decision to end the relationship is still part of moving forward, and there is a process and a mindset that has to go into the next steps as you continue on towards a divorce. This is especially important if you have children.
Achieving an Amicable Divorce
When a couple decides to end a marriage, there are typically a lot of emotions involved. Even if both partners are confident in the decision, ending a marriage doesn’t occur in a vacuum. There are fights, disagreements, challenges, and many issues that have led to the final choice. It is not uncommon for the partners to feel angry or upset, ending with high emotions.
That can make it hard to have an amicable divorce. Yet, especially when children are involved, a divorce that moves forward in a way that is friendly and comfortable – one where two partners can coparent comfortably – is very important.
A colleague once told me that the critical question to think about when parents with children choose to divorce is “do you hate your ex more than you love your children?”
During a divorce, all the emotional focus you have is on your partner and how you feel about the relationship ending. It is very common to forget that there is more at stake than just your feelings towards each other. If you can keep the broader picture in mind, you will be able to think practically and with less negative, raw emotion.
You Are Going to Survive This
Remember, people are resilient. Both you and your children have the capacity to survive essentially anything that comes your way, and ultimately thrive beyond the experience. But it starts with recognizing that there is more than just the divorce at play. Learning to soothe your own emotions and learn to work amicably with your ex is an important step.
Contact us today to learn more about couples counseling and individual therapy on Long Island if you need help moving forward after a divorce.
