Is It Normal to Feel Lonely When Married?

Marriage is a partnership. It is the moment that you’re no longer worried about yourself. You’re worried about “we,” because the two of you handle your problems together, as a team. You’re meant to be there to support each other, to reach mutual goals, and to be there when you are down.

So if you’re finding that you’re often lonely in your relationship, that often is a sign of a more serious problem. Some occasional bouts of loneliness are normal. But if you find that you are lonely more than you’re not, it’s possible that something is wrong.

What to Do About Marriage Loneliness

In couples counseling, we often find that loneliness itself is not the primary issue. Usually it’s a sign that the relationship has challenges, and that you’re not communicating or feeling the love that you hoped to feel.

When that occurs, Long Island couples counseling is a smart way to address it, as you – or you and your partner, depending on if you want to come together – can use relationship counseling as an opportunity to explore the issues in your relationship and look for ways to address them.

For those that want to try to reduce loneliness without counseling, consider the following tactics:

  • Talk to Your Partner – If you are feeling alone in your relationship, you need to talk with your spouse about your feelings. Tell them that you have been feeling lonely and express any reasons that you think this may be the case. Be open during this talk, as relationships that have honest and consistent communication will usually have fewer issues, and it’s possible that your partner has felt their own issues as well, giving you both something to work towards.
  • Invigorate Your Friendships – Sometimes loneliness from your partner isn’t necessarily entirely from your partner at all. Sometimes it’s caused by losing that connection with your friendships. Spend some time with the friends and family that you really care about, and build on those connections so that you feel supported and can give your support for others.
  • Have Mutual Goals – Give yourselves something to work for. Sometimes we look for reasons to feel alone, such as missed eye contact, or mistaking alone time for wanting to be away from you. If you have activities to work on together, it’s harder to feel like you’re doing things independently.

During the process, be open to the idea that it is a more complex issue, rather than waiting for your partner to “save” you from the feelings. Often when you feel lonely, your partner is also struggling with something that makes them disconnected from you. You both need to be working on these issues if you want to have an opportunity to move forward.

Contact a Long Island Relationship Counselor Today

Many people feel lonely in their relationships at some point. But if those issues are overwhelming, it helps to discuss it. If you’re interested in finding out more about my relationship counseling services in Long Island, please give me a call today at (516) 732-0273.